Courage

Wow, it's been almost two months since I've put something on here. Reason: I don't have a camera, so I don't have pictures and what good is a blog without pictures? At least that's how I see it. But I've decided to get over that preference and just make do without them.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Wow, 2009. I hope the way I celebrated the ringing in of another year is not an indication of what 2009 will be like for me. I sat on the couch reading a book and fell asleep well before midnight. My mother however was kind enough to wake up me five minutes before so I could celebrate with the rest of the western United States. I have always been quite the party animal, I know. ha! Turns out that my roommate, whom I love and adore, said that she was asleep by 9. So....yah....you see one of many reasons why we get along so fantastically!
With a new year comes new goals, as always. Also, the realization of all those others goals that were not accomplished the previous year. As I sat pondering all things that I planned to do but didn't get around to it, or didn't finish, or gave up trying, etc during the year 2008 the thought came to me that I've been living my life in fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of what others might think of me, fear, fear, fear. Therefore, my "2009 resolution" is to have courage. And along with having courage, having faith. In relief society today, the lesson was exactly what I needed. The night before when I started my fast, I prayed that I might have courage this new year to be the best I can be, and today's RS lesson was a confirmation for me that I had finally prayed for the right thing. In short, it was about not being afraid to take those first steps, and "inflating others" as you go. I know that's a horrible summary, but I don't want to go into detail because I wouldn't be able to clearly express all of my ideas and emotions. Just know that I will be doing a lot of things differently from here on out, and I am oh so excited to see the changes that will come to my life by being courageous. I feel like some of the choices I have made were made in an attempt to avoid conflict, challenges, or anything that might have given me a small problem. Now I can see that by doing so I've robbed myself the opportunity to learn and grow, to rise to a better version of myself. I know that the Lord gives us trials so that we can become better, and I feel like I've done a pretty good job of making sure I wouldn't be pushed too hard, especially this last semester. I guess you could say I've been trying to take the easy way out. Sure, I got through my first semester of college intact, but that's all I can say for myself. I want to be able to say that not only did I merely survive, but that I rose above...and eventually beyond as well.
Okay, now that I've lost a few, or all, of you in my mayhem of thoughts, I will bid you adieu. ( to you, and you, and you) :)